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What Being a Single Mom Taught Me About Love

My plan was not to get divorced. In fact, I’m pretty certain divorce is not on anyone’s goal list.

Being a single mom was also something I wanted to avoid like the plague.

Yet in 2010 I found myself in the very place I never wanted to be with my three young daughters in tow –  I was a single mom.
 
Together we unpacked our belongings in our new house and got used to our new life. And I got used to being the person I never wanted to be.

Life tends to give us exactly what we need right when we need it. Deep, lasting soul growth tends to do really well in the conditions of pain and heartbreak. However terrible the pain, ask anyone who has survived the scorched earth of their darkest hour and they will tell you every single time:
 
IT WAS 100% WORTH IT.
 
Our breaking leads us to our best loving and to a deep understanding and knowing of what love is, and what love is not.
 
It’s the uncomfortable moments while we are by ourselves that cultivate the most delicious relationship with ourselves.
 
Which leads to…     
 
R E A L    U C O N D I T I O N A L    L O V E
 
A couple years after my dark night of the soul, I surprisingly found myself in love with myself and my life. Despite the outward judgment I would feel as the woman labeled as the single mom, I was head over heels in love with life, who I had become and my precious daughters who bore witness to my transformation.
 
And what I learned through my experience about love is:
 
Love has zero expectations.
Love has zero judgement.
Love gives without need.
Love speaks through action more than words.
Love never doubts.
Love knows no fear.
Love is fierce.
Love is forgiving.
Love is the basis of our being.
Love first starts with the relationship we have with ourselves.
 
The only way I could really learn and know this was through living and experiencing it.

As a single mom, I learned how to let love live within me. Despite the labels, judgement and criticism from others, I found a place to accept myself. I finally decided I got to determine my worth, value and lovability and it has nothing to do with “them.”
 
Who would have thought divorce – what’s broadly known as the very antithesis of love – would bring me to love?
 
What I had so desperately wanted to resist was the very thing that brought me to what I so desperately wanted to feel – unconditional love and acceptance of myself.
 
I think this is how it works – love and all the things we crave to experience and feel leads us down the slippery slope of life to crash into the truth of who we are. 
 
The landing may not be easy, but once we get there we see there is no other place we would want to be:  100% ourselves, an embodiment of love – with full acceptance of all the weirdness, mistakes, faults, pros and cons of our personalities. It all makes up the beautiful tapestry of our messy, wonderful lives and this world we get to share.
 
If you’re resisting what you know you are being lead to do or change, know that you are not alone. Lean into what you feel you cannot do and allow yourself to be surprised with your resilience, depth and love. Allow yourself to be surprised with what happens when you let go and surrender to what your soul is leading you to do. Trust and know it’s all a part of a bigger picture in favor of your highest good and it will lead you to a place you want to be.

And then, we get a new challenge. 🙂 

Today and every day, may you be your own Valentine first and foremost. Nurture yourself, say nice things to you, take care of your precious heart and honor your divine self with what you do with your life. It’s the little ways we treat ourselves that add up.

I’m so happy and honored to share this life with you. 
 
With so much love,

 

PS If someone you know is struggling to act on the whispers from their soul, forward this to them. Sharing words of encouragement can be just the thing they need right now.

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