As you step into a life that feels empowered, you may begin to notice a breakdown in relationships that have previously seemed just fine.
Relationships may feel strained, co-workers may ask you what has happened to you, family may look at you funny, and some people may drop you like a hot potato.
I refer to this as the “shit-hitting-the-fan-phase” or SHTFP.
Jane (not he real name) was beside herself when her CPA for many years decided their relationship wasn’t going to work any longer. He told her to go find another CPA to do the books for her business. Jane was shocked, dumbfounded and a little hurt.
This abrupt end to their long standing relationship came right after Jane pointed out some errors that were made in her books by her CPA’s firm.
Jane is a savvy business woman and not one to shrug a customer off when she makes errors in her business (it happens to all of us), so to be told to go away stung like only rejection can. Jane questioned what she had done wrong and couldn’t believe what had happened.
If we were to line up a group of women and ask for the empowered one to please step forward, Jane would be the first one up. In the last few years Jane has gone through a metamorphosis and is super clear about what’s important and of value to her and how she wants her life to be.
Translation: Jane’s deeper understanding of self-love turned into some really good-looking boundaries, and any relationships that don’t honor these boundaries won’t be able to continue as they’ve been.
This is a really, really good thing.
My reaction upon hearing Jane’s news of her CPA’s curt behavior?
Tell him THANK YOU, have gratitude for the relationship and move on. Her CPA did her a big favor and cut the relationship for her before a major disaster could hit.
When we grow to higher levels of understanding and self-love our life can no longer hold anything that doesn’t fit into our new way of being, including relationships. The shit (what no longer belongs) has to hit the fan and get out of our lives.
And if it doesn’t, life can really start to stink. (pun intended!)
You can’t support our old self and your new self at the same time.
You have to choose – keep growing and evolving, or stay stuck and not earn our wings.
This is where healthy boundaries play a really big role in our evolution.
Being kind and being nice are two different things, so as you allow yourself to grow, give yourself permission to exit relationships with grace and gratitude.
There is always room for kindness, and after all, that relationship/ situation was exactly what you needed to help you get to where you are now. The upheaval was exactly what you needed to see a bit clearer and move on.
If you’re knee deep in your own SHTFP, know you aren’t alone, trust it’s serving a very high purpose in supporting you in your growth, and keep going.
With lots of love and support,
PS Have a friend or family member going through their own shit-hitting-the-fan experience? Pass this along, it could be the thing they need to hear to keep growing.